Inspiration is tricky

I find my inspirations to be tricky things because the things that i love, the designs and styles that i find to be the most attractive are the kind i never have the clientle for. So i find that after hours of pouring over things i like, ohh and ahhing, im left to my own noggin for ideas. And I too am just starting to be able to get out what's in my head, mainly due to technical skills, that will eat up my energy, which then sends my creativity down the crapper. I couldnt tell you how many times ive said to myself "there is no way it should take me this long to do XX" but i'm getting better. Back in the words and images days, that was my first real design class, and i really struggled. grid? huh? One reason was i didnt realize it was ok to look at other stuff to generate ideas. My first degree was in english..and that is not something we are encouraged to do. I still get a tinge of guilt when i look at something and it makes me think, "oh, something like that could look good"--i always feel like this little monkey is going to jump out of my closet and scream COPYCAT! But I am always amazed, and relieved, that even if something did inspire me, it's not even remotely the same.

I wish i could be cool and say im inspired by the flecks of gold in my daughter's hair and koi fish, but im not. maybe im not that good. maybe i don't pay enough attention. I work 8-5, im a single mom, i go to school. I'm inspired by the thought that i may get something good out and still have time to take a walk with the dog and Chloe. Or sleep. And i push to inspire myself with the fantasy that maybe if i really pull a few great things off, i can quit my job, work freelance, and bring my mac to the park on a crisp autumn day so i can be inspired, and Chloe can play.